Before It All

Compliments are selfish pieces of advice that you force into a person's consciousness. Because then they are duty bound according to your specifications, without having asked for it. Suddenly, they are thrown a reputation they have not the slightest inkling of how to preserve; because you see, most of us get into this privileged position by accident - a beautiful one, of course - and so we spend the days after trying too hard to maintain what was already working perfectly well without us investing all that extra effort. The only apparent way out would be to disregard your extolments and carry on as before. But to appear disdainful? I'm not sure it's a step worthy individuals consider prudent.

Which is why I am going ahead with the niceties. What better way to gauge my standing in your heart? :p

One year whizzes by and then the roller-coaster ride, like all good things, thrusts into a reluctant halt. It's here I get off this comfy, unforgettable, tremendous, marvelous drive, and wave my most intense blessings as the rest of you keep going with the tide. The distance between you and me forges into an inexplicable pit in my throat, and all the words in the world that I normally have no problems delivering are translated into silence at the edge of my now faltering lips.

I gain some composure as I try to remain forward-looking, but then my incoherence still betrays the steadied exterior. Where to begin?

I am mighty grateful to have become a part of this leadership, a level of management at which I know only too well is where all the serious politicking takes place. I'm the kind of person who is silly enough to operate on ideal situations (bet on it that I shall always be), stubbornly steadfast on the belief that even though Utopia will never be achieved, it serves as the only end-point towards which I will strive. Because if I aimed for something lower, then I can only expect the result to be far less desirable. So I jumped into this position knowing fully well that I shall be spending the rest of the year trying not to sink; that there is certainly another volunteer out there with a less compulsive conviction to make that difference who would nonetheless churn out a more respectable performance; that sooner than later, I shall be happy for the approaching end of term. But all this simply because I was asked. Selfish, isn't it?

And what of my apprehensions concerning power struggles and convoluted interpersonal relationships, you wonder? I believe in courage above most else. A worthy cause is independent of the person undertaking it. And despite all the possible limitations, the noblest intentions still deserve a go at success.

So well, yes, you've had just about enough of my exaggerated mushiness already. What I'm getting at, is that you guys are an awesome bunch. Whether or not you realize, the attitude and spirit that each person belonging at the conference table presents to each quarterly meeting goes beyond attendance. There are those with whom I have become good buddies, by mere fact that I can always count on them to chalk up the numbers; those who seem to have other commitments more often than not; those who may be there but secretly think it's all humbug and wished they were somewhere else; but so what? Passion is an imposing aura that is not circumscribe to petty inconsistencies.

In the coming years, my hope for this committee is that we recognize the environment in which we function is no reflection of the value of our purposes. So don't lose heart. If blunt words are exchanged, actions misunderstood, and sensitivities bruised, our maturity should teach us to trust that no malice was intended. It's true that oftentimes we feel ourselves inadequate before the multitude of (superfluous) demands heaped upon us, giving us the false impression that we are not making progress; but acknowledge the constraints, not resign to them. You guys have kept me believing, and if ever you needed a reason to continue pushing ahead, know that at least my life has been changed =)